harsh truths
by JSam1021
Summary: a Bella, Jacob story first chapter based off the song of Imagine Dragons Demons posable more chapters in the future.


All recognizable characters and copyright belong to there creators.

the story was inspired by the song Demons by Imagine Dragons.

This is a Bella Jacob story. It starts in New Moon after the first time Bella confronts Jacob after he phases. Aka the bedroom scene where he apologizes and tries to tell her what he is.

I was laying on my bed. I felt so cold but I couldn't muster the strength to pull the blankets over me. I could feel the wetness on my face even though I swore there were no more tears left in me. I had finally done it. I pushed him too far. I new it would happen sooner rather then later. When he would realize I wasn't worth his time. Just like HIM. They both realized I wasn't good enough. I'm not good enough. I've always known it. They were done with me. Cards folded game over. Its time I gave up to. I did it before, when HE left. I just gave up. Stopped making an effort to live. This time when Charlie tries to send me to live with my mom I won't fight it. What's the point? It's my own fault really. How stupid of me to think that a Godlike creature such as Ed- HIM would truly be interested in me. Would want me. Would want to spend eternity with me. I was a distraction, a toy that HEgrew tired of. As for Jacob this is my fault to. He tried. He is such a good person, was such a good person. I broke him. Something I didn't want to do. I know what constant rejection does to someone. HE did it to me. He might have pretended not to for a little while,but as soon as I tried to get things to progress from a chaste kiss. He would stop me, tell me he didn't want that. Tell me I wasn't good enough, strong enough, that I was too fragile, too frail, too human.

If only I had given in to Jacob. I could have pretended for a little while. Let him lead. Let him take what he wanted. Soon enough he would have found somebody better. A beautiful interesting girl that made him forget about me. I still would have ended up hurt and just as broken, if not more broken than I am now. But at least he wouldn't be. He'd still be happy, confident, carefree. He wouldn't have known the sting of rejection. He wouldn't have known what it feels like to be not good enough. That was never true though. It is not him that isn't good enough.It never was. It's me, it's always been me. I set my standards too high when I became part of Ed- HIS life. I didn't want to do the same with Jake. At first I didn't see it, not completely. I didn't see his beauty, his strength, his heart. By the time I did it was too late. I needed him. I needed him to breathe, to make the pain lesson, even just for a little while. I knew he would leave me too, but I was selfish and greedy. I wanted to hold on to him for as long as I could. I should have held on tighter. I was contemplating all the things I could have done differently to hold on to jake just a little bit longer. A sharp bang came from my window. I stared for a minute wondering what it could have been. Than a softer knock. I couldn't contemplate what was happening. The only one it could possibly be, (Edward?) No, how dare I let my brain think his name. To let my heart hope. ( "I don't want you." "It will be as if I never existed.") A small self-deprecating laugh left my lips unexpectedly and I had to cover them. No it's not him. Who else could it be, knocking at my window on the second floor of my house. A flash of red hair like fire came to my mind (Victoria). My lips turned up again. Yes its most likely her. Hmm what perfect timing she had. She might be planning on torturing me but at least it'll be over faster this way. I won't have to suffer any more. after she's done with me my pain will be gone. Taking her revenge by torturing and killing me. A mate for a mate. She doesn't need to know the truth. That I am not his mate. I slowly made my way toward my window hoping taking her revenge out on me would be good enough and that she'd leave Charlie alone. I got to the window and opened it. I gasped at who I saw hanging from the tree, it wasn't Victoria, it was Jacob. A barelydressed Jacob at that. "What, how," I stuttered out in shock. "Dammit Bella move back this branch is about to brake." I quickly backed up and he swung himself in the window. "What are you doing? How did you do that? Are you crazy, you could have killed yourself." I whisper yelled at him. "Shh, Bells calm down." We both looked over to my door. Hearing loud snoring coming from Charlie's room I continued ranting at him. "Calm down, calm down, I'm hallucinating I have to be because it's the only thing that makes sense. The only reason that the boy-man that swore he wouldn't hurt me, only to ignore me for two weeks. Then crush my heart more by braking up with me in one of the harshest ways ever, then telling me he never wants to see me again. Only to risk his life by pulling a stupid stunt and some how climbing up a tree and crawling in my window. To now be standing in front of me telling me to calm down! Yes I am hallucinating. That's it I've cracked. I am now officially insane." He put his hands up in surrender. "Ok, first of all "boy-man" really Bells. LookI'm sorry. I swear I never wanted to hurt you. I" he blowout an annoyed breath. "He orde- ugg" he practically screamed in frustration. Now it was me shushing him. I looked back to my door and hoped Charlie was still sleeping. He took a deep breath and tried again. "I couldn't come see you. I physically couldn't." I looked at him disbelieving. "But, now you can." He seemed to struggle with the words "Yes, some how you broke th- it when you came to see me." Now he looked down as if he was figuring something out talking to himself. "He doesn't know. He hasn't figured it out yet, but he will." He looked back at me sounding like he was in pain "Bells," he opened his mouth to say more than stopped he had a thoughtful look on his face as a smirk graced his lips. "Honey, if I knew we were dating I would have never broke up with you." I gasped and smacked him in the chest. "Jacob Black, that is not what I ment and you know it! He chuckled as he wrapped his arms around me. "There's my feisty Bells." Growing serious again he held me securely and pressed his lips to the top of my head. "I did not and would never say that I never wanted to see you again. He orde- he made- I had to make you leave. I really need you to hear me now and try to understand. After tonight I'm probably not going to be able to see you again, but Bella honey it's not that I don't want to. Believe me when i say I would give any thing to go back to hanging out in the Taj with you every day." I wrapped my arms as tightly as I could around his waist and I mumbled in to his chest "Why can't we? I don't understand. Why do things have to change? What is it that your not telling me? Who won't let you see me? Is it Sam? Jacob why are you letting him control you?" He let out a long breath "Bells, honey it's not that simple. I no longer have a say in anything in my life." He let me go. He started pacing back and forth. He ran his fingers through his hair and yanked on it. "Where I go, what I do. When I get to go home, If I go to school. Who I hang out with," he stopped and looked me in my face, "who I date." I could hear the emotion in his voice as he talked. He looked away from me again. "I have no say in the rest of my life. (laughing bitterly.) Not like I had much say in the first place but now. I can't go to college. I can't go to trade school. I can't ever leave the rez. I don't get a choice in who I spend the rest of my life with, and I can't even tell you why." He sounded so defeated, so shore all of this was true. "No, Jacob. No, I refuse to except that. There has to be something we can do. Maybe, maybe we should get out of here for a wile. Just you and me." That caught his attention. "No Bells they would never let." I cut him off "We won't ask. We'll just leave, tonight, now. We'll runaway. I've got some money. We could" I was walking around the room mid plan when I felt his arms rap around me from behind. "Bella stop." He sat on my bed pulling me down on his lap. He stared at me for a second in disbelief. "You're serious. You want me to runaway with you?" He was looking me in my eyes, like he could see in to my soul. "Yes, Jake I would do anything to protect you." I answered honestly. "Oh sweetheart, if that were a real option, I would be out that door with you so fast." He kissed my forehead. "It is. We could go." He smiled gently at me. "No honey, your not listening. I can't leave, and even if I could running away never solves anything." I stood up and walked over to my window, crossing my arms and staring out of it. "So your just giving up? Your going to just let them rule over your life, and your not even going to tell me why." I could hear him moving around behind me now. I refuse to look back. "No, Bells. I can't, but even if I could. I'm not so sure I would tell you." I turned in surprise "What, why?" He looked sad, guilty even. "Because you've been through enough, and it was all my fault to start with." I shook my head "What do you mean." He stepped closer to me. " I mean the Cullens Bella. I'm the one who told you what they were. Would you have figured it out if I didn't say anything?" With my eyes and mouth open wide, all I could do is shake my head. I started walking toward my bed looking away from him. Trying to regain my composure. "I don't know what you're talking about." I try to deny it. He can't possibly know. He thought it was a joke. Scary old fairy tales. "So you're still protecting him then." He gave a derogatory snort. "Figures. There's no need. Bella, I know the truth." A whimper fell from my lips. "No." I could barely choke out of whisper "how?" Through gritted teeth he repeated. "I can't tell you." I considered what he said. "What can you tell me?" "Bells." he said in a warning tone "Jacob please I want to know. I know you think me knowing will make things worse for me but it won't. Me not knowing is worse. It hurts more." He seemed to consider what I said. He cupped my face gently and then harshly asked "been anywhere you shouldn't have been lately." I crossed my arms around my self and walked over to my bed. See anything interesting there?" He was behind me again. I could feel the heat radiating off of him. I closed my eyes and remembered the clearing, Laurent, the wolves, those eyes, his eyes. I gasped and turned around. Looking straight up in to his eyes. They were the same. "That's not possible." He lifted his eyebrows "what's not possible Bella?" I shook my head in denial. "You, the wolf, it's not possible." He huffed out a humorless laugh. "Yea, your right. There's no possibleway that werew- vam- the sup- those things actually exist." He took a step back. He looked and sounded like he was in pain. Unable to deny it any longer, I admitted to myself that other supernatural things besides vampires exist, and my best friend is one of them. I stepped forward and placed my hand over his heart. Swallowing thickly I asked, "Does it hurt?" He thinned his lips before he answered me. "No, not any more. Its like ripping off a bandaid. You do it fast enough and often enough after a wile you grow numb to it." I felt new tears prickle in my eyes. "What now?"I whispered. He wrapped his arms around me and bent forward resting his head against mine. "Well now you know. Is it better." I closed my eyes so he couldn't see the tears shining in them. I nodded and rested my head against his chest. He nuzzled the top of my head before pressing a kiss to it. "So now you understand why I can't be around you." I looked up at him in shock. "But I don't understand. I know now. Theres nothing to hide any more." He closed his eyes and turned his face away from me "That's not the only reason why they don't want me around you, and they're right about some things. I am dangerous now. Ishouldn't even be here." Terrified he was going to leave I gripped him tighter pressing my cheek against his chest so there was no space between us. "That's ridiculous. You are not a danger to me. Jacob I know you. You would never hurt me." He gently grabbed my chin and made me look at him "those tear tracks on your cheeks say otherwise." I shook my head in denial "Thats different.You were forced to, and as soon as you could you came here to make it better. To make me better. Your here, thats what matters." He swallowed thickly "I couldn't stand you hurting,the way I pushed you away. It wasn't right, but I have to let you go now. I don't want to. I have to." He tried to pull away but I wouldn't let go."No we'll figure this out. We won't let them separateus. You said you agreed with some of the reasons. What don't you agree with."He didn't seem to want to tell me. "They don't think you could be trusted. Because of whom you Associated yourself with. You knew what they were. You were willing to lie for them to protect them." I opened my mouth to protest but he stopped me. "There's more Bells. There's this thing I can't tell you about right now, but when, if you find out about it. You won't want to be around me any more." I sniffled. "That's not possible I want every second I can get with you." his shoulders slumped in defeat. "I feel so lost. I need you but, I don't want to hurt you again." I looked in to his eyes and knew it was true. There was a darkness there now. One that showed that he saw things, knew things that no man let alone a teenage boy should ever see or know. "I'm hereJake. It'smy turn to be here, be strong for you. I won't let you down. I promise I won't let them keep us apart. I will fight for you." His eyes drifted down to my lips and backup to my eyes " just in case we fail." before I could protest or understand his comment. He cradled the back of my head and pressed his lips against mine. My first reaction was to pull away. Then I remembered all of the things I decided I would do to hold on to him. Even just for a little while longer. I dug my fingers into his hair and started to kiss him back. It didn't make me light headedlike HIS kiss did. It gave me butterflies in my stomach. His mouth was hot and soft. We broke apart breathing heavily. "You're my best friend too Bells. I love you so very much. I've got to go." He kissed my lips again gently this time. Yep there goes the butterflys. He disentangled my arms from around him. Then he turned and walked toward the window. "Jake what are you" he then jumped out of it. "No wait!!" Frightened I ran to the window. Looking out it I could see he was fine. He was already at the tree line and turnd to look at me one more time before fading into the darkness of the forest.


End file.
